Writing for Children and Internal Dialogue

Internal dialogue, or internal thoughts is, often referred to as inner thoughts or inner monologue. They are the private, unspoken ideas, commentary, and ponderings that go on inside a character’s mind in a narrative.

They provide insight into a character’s emotions, motivations, actions, reactions, and thought processes. Writing internal thoughts effectively can help readers connect with characters, understand their perspectives, and immerse themselves in the story.

Internal thoughts can add depth and dimension to your characters and enhance the overall storytelling. It also helps show whose perspective the story is being told from,

Here are eleven tips on how to write internal thoughts when writing a children’s story:

1. Use italics:

One common way to indicate internal thoughts in writing is to set them apart from the rest of the text using italics. Using italics will help distinguish internal thoughts from regular narration or dialogue.

For example, I can’t believe he hit another home run.

Some writers, though, don’t see the need to use italics. I’ve seen stories where the author put thoughts in quotation marks or simply left them as narrative.

This can confuse the young reader. It can be confusing for some adults.

As a children’s writer, using italics makes it easier for the young reader to quickly see that the character is thinking.

When writing for children, it’s important to make everything as clear and simple as possible.

2. Using tags:

This strategy is controversial, too. Some writers insist that if a writer knows what she’s doing, the reader will know which are internal thoughts in the story without using italics, quotation marks, or the ‘he thought.’

As a reader, I like to know quickly when a character switches to internal thoughts. Without a transition, it can become a guessing game or, at the very least, a read-over.

The transition is even more essential for the young reader.

Early in your story, it’s a good idea to include “he thought” or “she thought” along with italics. This sets the internal- thought format so it’s abundantly clear to the young reader. Once you’ve established that italics convey the character’s internal thoughts, you don’t need to use the tags unless you feel it’s warranted.

3. Internal dialogue:

First-person should be used to convey internal dialogue. The character is in the present and conveys what’s happening to him in that moment.

An example:

Wang rushed toward the wall, then stopped short, just an inch away. There’s no way I can get through it, even with magic.

4. Indirect internal dialogue:

Instead of stating a character’s thoughts directly, show them through actions, dialogue, and sensory descriptions. This allows readers to infer the character’s thoughts and emotions and is considered indirect internal dialogue.

An example:

Wang rushed toward the wall, then stopped short, just an inch away. Stepping back, he knew there was no way he could get through that wall, even with magic.

5. Punctuation

Internal thought punctuation is straightforward; it’s the same as how you would use punctuation in the narrative.

Shawn picked up the ball. Watch this.

I should have studied for that test, thought Ralph.

Oh, no, thought Amanda. What am I going to do?

It gets tricky when you have a question within internal dialogue and use ‘he thought’ or ‘she thought’ to end the sentence.

I remember an editor and former literary agent told me that it should be written like this:

Oh, no. What am I going to do, thought Shawn?
(Notice the question mark is after the tag.)

But as I can’t remember when she mentioned this, I did a lot of research to make sure I had it right.

English Stack Exchange confirms this:
Wasn’t art supposed to impact its audience emotionally, she wondered? (1)

But in Writer’s Relief, I found:
Why didn’t we go home first to change into play clothes? Roger thought. (2)

Every other site I researched had the same punctuation format as Writer’s Relief. The question mark goes before the tag.

If anyone has a definitive answer, I’d appreciate it if you put it in the comments!

6. Keep the thoughts concise:

Internal thoughts should be concise and to the point. They should reflect the character’s immediate reactions and feelings naturally and believably.

Keep the child’s comprehension level in mind. You wouldn’t want to write a paragraph of internal thoughts.

7. Maintain consistency (and clarity):

Consistency and clarity rule when writing for children.

Be consistent in how you format and present internal thoughts. If you choose to use italics, use them consistently throughout your writing.

Use tags consistently unless you’re sure the reader will know what’s being conveyed is the character’s internal thoughts.

8. Consider the character’s voice:

The way you write internal thoughts should reflect the character’s personality, education, and background.

A scientist’s internal thoughts might be more analytical, while a teenager’s thoughts might be more informal and colloquial. A young child’s thoughts will be even simpler.

9. Use internal thoughts strategically:

Use internal thoughts to reflect emotions and conflicts. It’s also an effective way to explore a character’s inner struggles, dilemmas, and emotional turmoil. They can provide insight into how characters grapple with difficult decisions or challenging situations.

Use internal dialogue to add depth to a character or enhance the reader’s understanding of the plot. They’re also an effective way to help the reader connect with the character. It allows the reader to feel what the character feels and relate it to their own life.

10. Avoid excessive use:

Not every moment in a story requires internal thoughts. Overusing internal thoughts can slow your story’s pacing.

Use them wisely. Instead of stating a character’s thoughts directly, try to convey them indirectly through their actions, reactions, and body language.

For example, if a character is nervous, you can show it through jittery movements, racing heart, or queasy stomach.

11. Edit and revise:

Like any aspect of writing, internal thoughts may require revision and refinement. Read your work aloud to ensure the internal thoughts flow smoothly within the narrative.

Summing it up.
Internal thoughts in writing offer a window into a character’s mind and emotions, helping readers connect with the character and understand their motivations.

When writing internal thoughts, use formatting, show emotions through actions and descriptions, and maintain consistency while keeping the character’s unique voice and perspective in mind.

References:
(1) https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/137713/how-to-punctuate-a-question-within-a-thought

(2) https://writersrelief.com/characters-thoughts-punctuating-and-formatting/

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