According to Masterclass, internal dialogue “can provide deep insight into a character’s thoughts, fear, self-esteem, and general point of view and opinions.” (1) This allows the reader to get inside the main character’s head. This, in turn, makes the protagonist’s internal thoughts powerful. It helps create a deeper connection between the reader and main character. Internalization is also called internal thoughts, internal dialogue, internal monologue, and other names. This writing tool is revealing and personal. The main character, as with any of us, will not say everything he thinks. It might be too embarrassing, offend someone, or leave the main character vulnerable. Whatever the reason, some things just aren’t spoken out loud. An example of this is from the first paragraph in the first chapter of my fantasy adventure chapter book Walking Through Walls: [Wang bound the last bunch of wheat stalks as the sun beat down on the field. Sweat poured from the back of his neck drenching the cotton shirt he wore. I hate doing this work. He hurled the bundles on a cart. “Father, the bales are stacked. I am going home; it is too hot.”] Granted, today, a twelve-year-old boy might very well tell his parent he hates doing something, but this story is set in 16th-century China. Wang would never tell his father he hated working the fields. So, the internal thought brings the reader into Wang’s POV. As internal thoughts are such a powerful writing tool, how do you let the reader know what’s written is the inner thoughts of the main character? [I apologize for having the examples above and below in brackets. WordPress Gutenberg is a pain to work with.] Quotation Marks I’ve seen drafts from clients who have internal thoughts in quotation marks. The above example would read: “I hate doing this work.” I don’t like this way of writing internal thoughts, especially for children. It’s not clear. The reader could think Wang is talking out loud to himself, or in this context, to his father. When writing for children, it’s essential to write with clarity. Everything should be easily understood. So, to keep things clear for the reader, it’s best to use quotation marks only for spoken dialogue. For this article, I'll take quotation marks off the table for internal thoughts. Italics With Tags If I used a tag, it would have read: I hate doing this work, he thought. When it’s easy to understand who’s having the thoughts, a tag isn’t needed. If there could be a question, tags should be used. Italics Without Tags In the above example, I used italics without a tag. There is no “he thought.” Not Italicized Without Tags I don’t like this style of writing thoughts. I think it breaks the flow and can be confusing. In third-person POV, it goes from the narrator to the main character’s internal thoughts with no clear indication. The example above would read: [Sweat poured from the back of his neck drenching the cotton shirt he wore. I hate doing this work. He hurled the bundles on a cart. “Father, the bales are stacked.”] It jumps from the narrator to the main character’s internal thoughts and then jumps back to narration. Not Italicized With Tags I don’t like this style either. With a simple paragraph, as below, it might be clear it’s internal thoughts because of the tag, but if the main character continues his thoughts after the tag, it could become confusing and make the reader pause. [Sweat poured from the back of his neck drenching the cotton shirt he wore. I hate doing this work, he thought. He hurled the bundles on a cart. “Father, the bales are stacked."] I prefer internal thoughts italicized with or without tags, depending on the context. Sources: (1) https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-write-internal-dialogue jamigold.com/2020/03/character-internalization-to-italicize-or-not-to-italicize/ http://blog.janicehardy.com/2011/06/thinking-to-myself-internalization-101.html
I’m a working children’s ghostwriter, rewriter, and coach. I can help turn your story into a book you’ll be proud to be author of, one that’s publishable and marketable. You can contact me at: kcioffiventrice@gmail.com. Or, you can give me a call at 834---347---6700 Or, if you’d rather do-it-yourself, check out my book, How to Write a Children’s Fiction Book.
2 thoughts on “Writing Your Character’s Internal Thoughts”