While rewriting a chapter book for a client, I’ve run into an issue I haven’t come across before.
It has to do with descriptions, specifically clothing details and physical attributes.
The client described the clothes each character is wearing. Even for a group of children, she describes the general attire.
While a chapter book has a much larger word count than a picture book, words need to add value to the story.
When writing for kids, describing everyone’s clothing in detail isn’t a good idea in a chapter book for several reasons.
5 REASONS TO AVOID USING TOO MUCH DETAIL IN CHAPTER BOOKS
- It Slows the Action
Over describing anything in a story slows the pacing. It stops the action, and children want to see what happens next.
An example: Keith carried in the last grocery bag and handed it to his father, who had longish, wavy, black hair and wore a yellow shirt he got on his birthday, black pants, and his old white sneakers. Then Keith raced out to catch up with his friends.
- It Will Bore Children
Chapter book readers are usually 7- to 10-year-olds and have short attention spans.
Listing a family member’s hair in detail, their shirt, pants, sweater, and so on, will bore this age group as well as older readers.
It’s boring for adults.
- Pause and Confusion
Keep the example from #1 above in mind. The story is moving along, and then the narrator describes hair and clothing in detail, almost like a list; the young reader will most likely pause.
They’ll wonder what happened to the story. Why is that information in the story? What does it mean? Does it mean anything? Does it matter that the father’s shirt is yellow, his pants are black, his sneakers are white and old, and he has longish, wavy, black hair?
This takes the reader out of the story and causes confusion. This is never a good thing; the reader will lose interest and could even stop reading the book.
- Adds No Value
Words are the building blocks of every story. And when writing for children, each word matters.
Unless that pink shirt, black pants, blue socks, and the description of the character’s hair are important to the story or to help the reader understand the character, it doesn’t warrant being there.
- There Will Be Illustrations
Many new children’s authors forget that illustrations help tell the story. A character’s hair color and style will be shown. So will the clothing and other details.
WHEN TO DESCRIBE THINGS LIKE CLOTHING
Picture books and chapter books: Describing clothing in these books usually isn’t necessary, as there are illustrations that may likely show it.
But some things may not be visible, such as a kid wearing a superhero T-shirt under a sweatshirt or wearing superhero underwear. A kid might wear graphic or mismatched socks under boots. Or a kid might keep a mini-toy figurine in his pocket every day.
These descriptions will show pieces of the character’s personality.
Middle-grade books: These books usually don’t have illustrations, so clothing descriptions can be useful.
-To show personality: An athlete might wear jogging pants and T-shirt. A neat character might wear a neatly ironed button-down shirt, clean socks, and shoes. A messy character might wear a wrinkled T-shirt, stained pants, and untied sneakers.
Think of what their rooms might look like.
-To show a role: a character living on a ranch might wear a cowboy hat and boots. A character who thinks he’s a sleuth may wear a trench coat. An athlete might wear jogging pants, T-shirt, and sneakers.
-To drive the plot: A character might hide a note inside a secret pocket. A character might wear dark clothing to hide or be unnoticeable. A character might dress a certain way to fit in with a particular group.
Best practices for writers are to keep descriptions short, pick the standout items to describe (don’t elaborate), and use action, such as he tripped over his untied shoe, or the wind blew his hat off his head.
Give the reader room to imagine the rest of what the character is wearing.
SUMMING IT UP
When writing a picture book or chapter book, descriptions aren’t usually needed because illustrations show what’s not said. Clothing descriptions can actually slow the story down and bore kids.
When writing a middle-grade book, clothing descriptions are needed to show the reader what the character’s personality is like, what her preferences are, and so on.
If descriptions are warranted, it’s best to keep them short. Pick the standout items to describe.
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I’m a working children’s ghostwriter, book doctor, editor, and self-publishing consultant. I help turn your idea, outline, or manuscript into a book you’ll be proud to call your own—and provide hands-on guidance through every step of the self-publishing process.
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