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Writing for Children and Internal Dialogue

Posted on by Karen Cioffi

Internal dialogue or internal thoughts is often referred to as inner thoughts or inner monologue. They are the private, unspoken ideas, commentary, and ponderings that go on inside a character’s mind in a narrative story or piece of writing.

They provide insight into a character’s emotions, motivations, actions, reactions, and thought processes. Effectively writing internal thoughts can help readers connect with characters, understand their perspectives, and immerse themselves in the story.

Internal thoughts can add depth and dimension to your characters and enhance the overall storytelling. It also helps show whose perspective the story is being told from,

Here are eleven tips on how to write internal thoughts when writing a children’s story:

  1. Use italics:

One common way to indicate internal thoughts in writing is to set them apart from the rest of the text using italics. Using italics will help distinguish internal thoughts from regular narration or dialogue.

For example, I can’t believe he hit another home run.

There are, though, some writers who don’t see the need for using italics. I’ve seen stories where the author put thoughts in quotation marks or simply left them as narrative.

This can be confusing for the young reader. It can be confusing for some adults.

As a children’s writer, using italics is much easier for the young reader to quickly ascertain that it’s the character’s thoughts being expressed – the character is thinking.

When writing for children it’s important to make everything as clear and simple as possible.

  1. Using tags:

There is controversy in this area, too. Some writers insist that if a writer knows what she’s doing, the reader will know which are internal thoughts in the story without using italics, quotation marks, or the ‘he thought.’

As a reader, I like to quickly know when a character is switching to internal thoughts. If there isn’t a transition, it can become a guessing game or, at the very least, a read-over.

The transition is even more essential for the young reader.

In the early part of your story, it’s a good idea to include “he thought” or “she thought” along with using the italics. This is to set the internal thought format so it’s abundantly clear to the young reader. Once you’ve established that italics are conveying the character’s internal thoughts, the tags needn’t be used unless you feel it’s warranted.

  1. Internal dialogue:

First-person should be used to convey internal dialogue. The character is in the present and is conveying what’s going on with him at that moment.

An example:

Wang rushed toward the wall, then stopped short, just an inch away. There’s no way I can get through it, even with magic.

  1. Indirect internal dialogue:

Instead of directly stating a character’s thoughts, try to show them through actions, dialogue, and sensory descriptions. This allows readers to infer the character’s thoughts and emotions and is considered indirect internal dialogue.

An example:

Wang rushed toward the wall, then stopped short, just an inch away. Stepping back, he knew there was no way he could get through that wall, even with magic.

  1. Punctuation

Internal thought punctuation is straightforward; it’s the same as how you would use punctuation in the narrative.

Shawn picked up the ball. Watch this.

I should have studied for that test, thought Ralph.

Oh, no, thought Amanda. What am I going to do?

It gets tricky when you have a question within internal dialogue and use ‘he thought’ or ‘she thought’ to end the sentence.

I remember an editor and former literary agent told me that it should be written like this:

Oh, no. What am I going to do, thought Shawn?
(Notice the question mark is after the tag.)

But as I can’t remember when she mentioned this, I did a lot of research to make sure I had it right.

English Stack Exchange confirms this:
Wasn’t art supposed to impact its audience emotionally, she wondered? (1)

But in Writer’s Relief, I found:
Why didn’t we go home first to change into play clothes? Roger thought. (2)

Every other site I researched had the same punctuation format as Writer’s Relief. The question mark goes before the tag.

If anyone has a definitive answer, I’d appreciate it if you put it in the comments!

  1. Keep the thoughts concise:

Internal thoughts should be concise and to the point. They should reflect the character’s immediate reactions and feelings in a natural and believable way.

Keep the child’s comprehension level in mind. You wouldn’t want to write a paragraph of internal thoughts.

  1. Maintain consistency (and clarity):

Consistency and clarity rule when writing for children.

Be consistent in how you format and present internal thoughts. If you choose to use italics, use them consistently throughout your writing.

Use tags consistently unless you’re sure the reader will know what’s being conveyed is the character’s internal thoughts.

  1. Consider the character’s voice:

The way you write internal thoughts should reflect the character’s personality, education, and background.

A scientist’s internal thoughts might be more analytical, while a teenager’s thoughts might be more informal and colloquial. And a young child’s thoughts will be even more simplified.

  1. Use internal thoughts strategically:

Reflect emotions and conflicts by using internal thoughts. They’re a great way to explore a character’s inner struggles, dilemmas, and emotional turmoil. They can provide insight into how characters grapple with difficult decisions or challenging situations.

Internal dialogue should be used to add depth to a character or enhance the reader’s understanding of the plot. They’re also an effective way to allow the reader to connect with the character. It allows the reader to feel what the character feels and relate it to their own life.

  1. Avoid excessive use:

Not every moment in a story requires internal thoughts. Overusing internal thoughts can slow down the pacing of your story.

Use them wisely. Instead of explicitly stating a character’s thoughts, try to convey them indirectly through their actions, reactions, and body language.

For example, if a character is nervous, you can show this through their jittery movements, racing heart, or queasy stomach.

  1. Edit and revise:

Like any aspect of writing, internal thoughts may require revision and refinement. Read your work aloud to ensure the internal thoughts flow smoothly within the narrative.

Summing it up.
Internal thoughts in writing offer a window into a character’s mind and emotions, helping readers connect with the character and understand their motivations.

When writing internal thoughts, use formatting, show emotions through actions and descriptions, and maintain consistency while considering the character’s unique voice and perspective.

References:
(1) https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/137713/how-to-punctuate-a-question-within-a-thought

(2) https://writersrelief.com/characters-thoughts-punctuating-and-formatting/

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You can contact me at: kcioffiventrice@gmail.com. Or give me a call at 347—834—6700. (Please leave a message- I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Phone scams and now AI duplicating voice technology are running rampant.)

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Karen Cioffi is a working children's ghostwriter, editor, and coach who would love to help you become author of your own children's book. Just send an email to kcioffiventrice@gmail.com

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